Friday, April 24, 2009

I finally shaved on Thursday because I was going to the theater

My facial hair got out of control this week.

On Tuesday I was a lovable, scruffy scamp.

On Wednesday I was a sea urchin fresh out of the sea.

This image works if you've ever handled a sea urchin fresh out of the sea. It's 8 am on a Friday; I'm amazed I can write anything at all.

So did I shave on Wednesday?

Pssh. Does a sea urchin shave?

Seriously, enough with the sea urchins.

No, I watched the sometimes good, mostly amateurish, always interminable 4-hour epic Gettysburg. If you ever want to feel good about your own facial hair, watch a movie about the Civil War. The beards on those dudes were out of control. I wondered if the producers searched far and wide for costumers who had secret beard fetishes and whispered to them, "It's OK. This is a safe place. Now go make your wildest beard fantasies a reality."

Watching the interminable 4-hour epic Gettysburg (I'm pretty sure that was the full name on the posters) one is struck by the realization that the war went on so long because it was fought by proud, stubborn men who would not, could not listen to reason. The beards were their visual shorthand for getting that idea across, sort of like me wearing a tuxedo is visual shorthand for "I am lonely and crave human contact."

Seriously, I want to slip Tom Berenger a roofie and take a razor to his face. And then apply Nair over the shaved parts. He looks like an upside-down Don King.

Fig. 1: If the South won the war, slavery would be legal and everyone would have to have stupid beards. It said that on Confederate money.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

No subject

Monday, April 06, 2009

I'm slapping myself across the face left and right.
You were right, every moment.
Hey, sorry for not listening to you. You could have spoken louder, cleared your throat conspicuously and pointed at the offending element, but it may not have made a difference, what with me doing my independent thing and not caring what you, the person who cares about me, cared about me.

We've got non-nutritive mango mix, though, so we'll be consuming non-nutritive mango mix with whatever we've got and we'll hope for the best for tomorrow.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Work talk? Sign you up!

Friday, January 30, 2009

In IMAX you can see Batman's larynx get inflamed

Monday, December 15, 2008

This was not a gondola accident

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My extended family is pretty hot, all things considered