Cheers

Perhaps the experts were right. I'm in the process of tying one on now, and my blahs are magically disappearing.

I haven't tied one on in months, so I'm tying very gently. Analogy: I'm tying my shoes, not securing myself to the mast like Odysseus.

I didn't want to have an ordinary gin and tonic. Though really, how ordinary could any gin and tonic be when the gin involved is Magellan?

Fig. 1: Magellan gin is blue! Just like ... Windex ... I guess.

Considering the amount of gin in that glass, maybe I am going the Odysseus route.

To make things interesting, I pitted some cherries and tossed them into the gin and tonic, which resulted in a vaguely purple beverage which, like a vampire, could not be captured on film. Also, my camera is digital, not film. Also, I didn't actually try to photograph it because it wasn't photogenic.

But was it delicious? Oh mais oui.

Things I've learned from television commercials:

1. It takes two make a thing go right.
2. It takes two make it out of sight.

I know it's from a song, but I'm not up on my popular music from the 80's/90's/whenever, so I can't imagine how the rest of that song goes.

Yep. The blahs are definitely gone for the evening. I'm ready for ACTION!

Fig. 2: C'mere, little deer! Where do you think you're going?

I don't feel bad about the dust on my sensor any more (right now). It's all worth it (right now).

Oh! Before I forget! I've been in a period of mourning for several years, ever since Larry King stopped writing his column in USA Today. I remember being signed up for a mass audition for the McGill Student Drama Festival, where dozens of actors would get up and do a monologue for the handful of directors involved with the festival who would pick their favorites for their own shows. I planned to do a dramatic reading of a Larry King USA Today column. (I can't find an online archive of his columns, but this transcript of a Saturday Night Live skit/sketch comes remarkably close to replicating the experience.) I ultimately decided not to audition because none of the directors were my pals, which would turn the entire ordeal into actual work, which is the opposite of what I was going for at that point in my life. (Trish - this was two years after my stellar performance in your production of The Socratic Method.)

So yes, Larry King column, period of mourning, etc etc. I recently became aware that Zach Braff, bafflingly beloved director of the bafflingly popular Garden State, writes a blog. I visited the blog and goddamn if it doesn't read like an old Larry King column. Bonus points? The comments people have left on it; they're almost as inane as the original posts. Braff writes about being in NYC for the summer, and there are comments like, "Enjoy NYC!" "Have some pizza there -- I hear it's really good!" and "Wish I could be in New York for the summer!" ... and then there are the countless posts from high schoolers about how Garden State changed their lives.

Here's a bit from the blog. It's long, but if I quoted just one bit, you might misunderstand the ADD-addled ridiculousness that is the guiding philosophy of the entire enterprise.

I am not leaving Scrubs! (People are still asking me this all the time.) We begin shooting the final 18 episodes this August. The finality of this season has nothing to do with me. The folks at NBC have decided this is our last one.

“Knocked Up” = hilarious. The scene with the bouncer (the dude from the Office) is one of the funniest pieces of dialogue I’ve ever heard.

“The Sarah Silverman Show” = hilarious. I’ve been watching them all on itunes. She is one of a kind. (And so cute!)

If you are in NYC, go see the new production of “Romeo and Juliet” in Central Park. The performances are really good and the set is AMAZING! Unfortunately, the production I saw got rained out just as Juliet drank the potion, but I think I can guess how it ends: she wakes up just as Romeo arrives at the tomb and they live happily ever after. Man I love romantic comedies! (The actor who plays Juliet’s father is particularly stunning. He has a relatively small role, and the audience applauded him at the end of his big scene.)

Roscoe is chewing on a “bully stick” which is a treat you buy in a pet shop. Someone recently told me that it is actually a Bull’s penis. If that is true, then man my dog loves bull penis!

I’m not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup....

What keeps it from Larry King-dom is senility. Larry King's columns were amazing because they were written by a hopelessly out-of-touch old guy and read like the transcripts of that guy looking for his medication in the morning. Zach Braff's blog is just ... sad. You'd think the creative force behind a tiresome circle jerk like Garden State could string together more than handful of sentences about any particular topic. But no.

It's easy for me to dismiss Zach Braff's blog because I thought Garden State was a piece of shit, but if Wes Anderson ever wrote a blog and it came out anything like Braff's blog ... well, I'd just have to swear off movies forever. I'm avoiding publicity on The Darjeeling Limited for fear that a Wes Anderson blog may be involved.

Oh, I'm aware of the irony/hypocrisy of me criticizing the Braffblog for being random and lame. No need to point that out, thanks.