Oh der Rattenkonig, ich liebe Dich

I've never been particularly quick on the uptake. Example: Only months after its relevance to an episode of 30 Rock, I find out that the rat king is a real cryptozoological beast.

I suppose "real cryptozoological beast" is a paradox, or perhaps an oxymoron. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've taken an English class? Neither do I. It's really late and this episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent is really not very good. I almost typed Law & Order: Criminal Internet, which would be ... actually not that great, unless all the crimes were committed by the Internet itself, and because the Internet is not a real person it always gets away with the crime, leading to some combination of Sam Waterston and Vincent D'Onofrio slamming their fists on a table in every episode and saying, "Goddamn that Internet!"

What? Oh, rat kings.

According to the Wikipedia entry, the rat king is a predominantly German phenomenon, with several German museums displaying formaldehyde-protected rat kings. Why, if I knew someone who was in Germany right now (Laura ...), I'd highly recommend a day trip to one of Hamburg, Hamelin, Gottingen, or Stuttgart to get pictures of a liquidy version of this:

Fig. 1: Their tails "become stuck together with blood, dirt, and excrement"

I'd go into paroxysms of delight if Albrecht Durer had one of these in his portfolio:

Fig. 2: I love the guy with the club on the left

It now occurs to me that the first picture is a little gross. Sorry about that. I'm not admitting culpability, but to make hypothetical amends here's a fun, non-nauseating image that contains little-to-no blood, dirt, or excrement:

Fig. 3: Balloons

My shirt reads: "We do things my way or the Hemingway."

It made sense at the time.