I have to stop eating these Slim Jims

I'm interested in seeing Bug, the Ashley Judd movie where she and some dude check into a motel and deal with imaginary parasites trying to eat them alive. I saw the preview for it when I went to see Vacancy, the Kate Beckinsale movie where she and Luke Wilson check into a motel and deal with a night manager who wants to videotape their murders.

Wow, I sure have impeccable taste, don't I?

Fig. 1: Oh, Ashley, let me apply the salve

In an attempt to discern whether the movie is awesome or lame, I looked at the movie's Wikipedia entry (no link bc it's lame). One of the links at the bottom of that page was to Morgellons Disease, which is my new favorite disease.

From what I gather, Morgellons Disease is a fake version of Delusional Parisitosis, which itself is a "fake" disease. Apparently some mom with a biology degree decided that her son couldn't have pain old Delusional Parisitosis, so she came up with Morgellons Disease, which combines the delusional parasites of Delusional Parisitosis with a dash of ADHD, a pinch of chronic fatigue, a helping of "brain fog", and finally, to make it all go down easier, fibers or granules coming out of the skin.

Didja get that?

Fibers or granules coming out of the skin.

Congratulations, Morgellons Disease. You win.

It's easy to discount Morgellons Disease, what with conflicts of interest in the literature (which consists of one piece that wasn't peer-reviewed) and no medical authorities recognizing it as a valid disease, but a mom's conviction is a mom's conviction. Doesn't anyone remember Lorenzo's Oil, the movie where Susan Sarandon and Nick Nolte cure their son's autism with balsamic vinaigrette? [Note: I have not seen Lorenzo's Oil.]

Much like "fibers or granules coming out of the skin" is saved for last in the list of symptoms because it's freakin' awesome, the best parts of the Wikipedia entry for Morgellons Disease come at the end.

First there's this:

George Schwartz of Santa Fe, New Mexico.... believes it is a parasitic infection. In his booklet "Lisa's Disease, A Fiber Disease", he describes four stages to this condition. Stage four places body organs in jeopardy. Schwartz also treated patients with anti-worm medication and diatomaceous earth. He says it is "a modern day plague which silently grows within the host and after weeks may explode into cavernous, thread-bearing skin lesions, and can extrude eggs and larvae" and is "a highly contagious, world-wide epidemic which will soon reach a critical mass".... Currently he is barred from practicing medicine, due to a narcotics violation.

Narcotics violation? You don't say!

Fasten your seatbelts, it gets better:

On the fringes of Morgellons research, there is a contention that the condition might be the first known outbreak of a nanotech parasite - a man-made molecular machine designed to be spread pathologically through as yet undetermined methods.

Yes. Yes, yes, and yes.

Sadly, having read all that, Bug can only be a disappointment now. Of course, that's why I went to Wikipedia in the first place, so mission accomplished!