But hey, the new season of "Venture Brothers" starts next week

As far as I'm concerned, the evolution of tv has reached its zenith with Fuse's "Pants Off Dance Off". Here's how it works:

1. One by one, average folks stand in front a green screen.
2. On the green screen, a video is played.
3. As the video plays, the person dances and sheds clothing.

The physiques are truly unspectacular and the dancing is ridiculously clumsy. Basically, it's the closest tv has come to depicting a night out with me.

The show is super low-budget (it's from the guy who created "Pop-Up Video", after all) and so Fuse is playing up to four episodes per night. That's all well and good, but it means they're not showing nearly enough episodes of "The Nighttime Clap", which is a loose collection of comedy bits by NYC comedians.

I was hooked after the first episode, where Kristen Schaal was complaining about the price of Madonna tickets. Tickets were $384.50 apiece, so she was describing the other things you could do with $384.50. One thing you could do with $384.50 is put it in the bank, and at current interest rates you would have $1200 in 2026. "What can you get with $1200 in 2026? Nothing! In 2026 everything's going to cost A MILLION DOLLARS!" Another thing you could do with $384.50 is play "Kobe Beef Hopscotch" -- then it showed her hopping on raw steaks on the sidewalk, singing "Meat! Meat! Under my feet!"

Sadly, other than "The Nighttime Clap" and small doses of "Pants Off Dance Off", satellite tv is really disappointing. Considering that; and considering it's either too hot or too rainy to do anything outside; and considering caterpillars have taken over the vast majority of Greene County, rendering the mountain trees leafless and sad; then it's all too clear that I have to read books. Hey, I'm not any happier about that than you are. Believe me, reading was near the bottom of the list of things I wanted to do this summer, right there with "Get hooked on World Cup soccer" and "Get chlamydia".

Aw crap. Full disclosure time: I've already started reading and I'm a sucker for ESPN2's all-day futbol coverage, so I'm afraid Saskatoon's Sexual Souvenir(TM) can't be far behind. It was nice knowin' ya!