When the scowling middle-aged woman leans forward, yeah, I'll look down her shirt; why do you ask?

And I wonder why I haven't told my grandmother about my blog.

Florida is crazy. I drive around in a rental car and listen to either 101.5 "The Point" or 102.5 "The Bone"; it's "the Best of the 80's" versus "Classic Rock Hits" in a battle for my very soul. I've learned this fun fact: Pearl Jam is just Guns 'n' Roses with different hair.

My aunt/uncle/cousins are on some insane home improvement kick. I suspect they want to sell the house, but I don't know; I haven't said more than a dozen words to them. I'm sitting at a table with two of them and the disinterest goes both ways. I don't really care, though. The only warmth I desire is from the sun.

Come on, sun! Get with the program!

My flights down were pretty good. I wore my Andy Kaufman neck brace and was able to sleep quite comfortably. Also, folks tend to leave you alone when you look like you've got a neck injury.

Technically it's a "cervical collar", but that sounds too much like "genital cuff".

I feel the urge to spend lots of money, but I've been successful in keeping my wallet closed so far. Well, mostly closed. I didn't know that all the charges and extras would make my breakfast at the Toronto Airport Hilton cost $25. Goddamn! Things like that, and the possibility that I'll be an unemployable wretch (thanks, Stats-inspired pessimism!) , make me consider fiscal responsibility. Consider, not adopt. Remember: baby steps.

Lots of ugly people in Florida. You'd fit right in, [ugly friend]. Oh snap!