Were it not so, it wouldn't be my life

To save $150 on my flight from Saskatoon to Tampa, I accepted a layover in Toronto. This means that I'll have to get a hotel in Toronto, which I can accomplish for $90. Hey, I still come out $60 ahead!

"Hey, Dave," you say. "Why are you getting a hotel in Toronto? Don't you have friends in Toronto who'd be delighted ... nay, thrilled ... to have you crash at their places?"

First of all, stop talking out loud at the internet. Second of all, yes, I do have friends whose semi-annual contact with me occurs solely because of their conveniently located homes. And oh, how I'd love to take advantage of their obligatory hospitality! Alas, my flight into Toronto arrives at 11:59 pm on a Monday and my flight out of Toronto leaves at 11:15 am the next morning. For my friends with jobs/lives (ie all of 'em ... way to go, people!), this makes for the most inconvenient hang-out time imaginable. As such, here's a little letter to all my friends in Toronto:

Dear friends,

I suck.

Try the veal,
Dave

I suppose this letter also works for all my friends outside of Toronto, as well as various family members, mortal nemeses, ex-lovers, and potential employers.

No, really ... try the fuckin' veal.