You're such monumental slime / Let the punishment fit the crime

Neil Hamburger on Jimmy Kimmel the other night:

George Bush is the worst president in US history ...

[applause]

... which is ironic, because his son, George W. Bush, is the best president in US history.

I want to make a mix cd. If anyone wants one, let me know. It may just be Oneida's "Sheets of Easter" repeated 5 times ... or it may not.

I'm a touch tipsy. Justin and I went to the Roxy for wings this evening. I looked at the other patrons and couldn't help but think, "Shouldn't you be getting jobs? Shouldn't you be saving for rent? How could you possibly afford $5 for wings?" Said the guy with the spending problem. Yeesh.

This afternoon I was confronted about my recent lackadaisical attitude toward everything. I don't know ... It's a lack of enthusiasm about functional programming, probability density functions, and logistic regression. It's a general uncertainty about my suitability as a professional "Computer Scientist". What can I do? I've tried anxiety, hair loss, substance abuse, and dating mall employees; all I've got left is internet shopping and listlessness. Perhaps I should try talking to someone other than a Ronco operator.

I was reading my ex-girlfriend's blog. It's weird to think of her as an ex-girlfriend. Looking back, it's more like "She's someone who saw me naked a lot last April." Anyway, she wrote a very emo post about moving out of her apartment and feeling like a failure and wanting one more night on her sun porch "with you" (me?) ... and all I could think was, "There'll be a free couch on the sidewalk next week." I bet if Ol' Whatserface weren't busy with school, she'd totally be into joining me in a stake-out of SawMeNakedLastApril's sidewalk in the hopes of scoring a free couch. Can you imagine what I'd accomplish with three couches in my livingroom? Look on my couches, ye mighty, and despair!