No way, Alien Fish-Man

At the wedding, Mike Green was telling us about a lively discussion he moderated in his Grade 12 Honours English class. The discussion concerned who was the most "human", and the candidates included: a person in a coma; an imprisoned homicidal sociopath; a vat-grown human clone; and an alien fish-man. There were others, but they are lost to a combination of Mike not remembering them initially and me not remembering now.

Mike told us that the ultimate winner was Person in a Coma. One guy at the wedding was obsessed with this issue, and over the weekend he favoured various candidates, all of them wrong. On Sunday morning I quickly figured out why the kids advocating Person in a Coma were right. (I really hadn't given it too much thought until then, but when I heard Talkative Wrong Boy still going at it a full day later, I had to end it.)

It's not that Person in a Coma is the most human, exactly; it's that Person in a Coma has the fewest number of inhuman traits. Sociopath and Vat-Clone and Alien Fish-Man are more inhuman than Person in a Coma, and are thus less human. Person in a Coma wins by default.

I felt kinda smart after figuring that out. I also felt kinda smart when Trish's roommate was impressed that I'd seen Nathan Barley. Perhaps Mike can get his class to discuss whether a fella who feels smart for knowing and thinking about inconsequential things is actually smart, or is just judging himself on a favourable sliding scale.

The most memorable discussion I remember from Grade 12 Honours English was "Who can keep his lips on the teacher's ass the longest?" The discussion lasted for nine months. I lost when I corrected the teacher on the etymology of "shark" ... although that occurred in Grade 11 (same teacher), so I guess I lost before we even started. Ah well. Just one more reason to get the "Born to Lose" tattoo.