"A potato."

Transporter 2 wasn't really "bad", per se. Oh, it wasn't good, either; don't get me wrong. It was just kind of ... nuts. It operated under its own sense of logic and a unique interpretation of physics. It was insane.

After the movie I wanted to say that it defied criticism or comparison because it was sui generis (you can't know how happy I was to find something was sui generis), but more thought revealed Transporter 2's kinship: it was like one of the recent James Bond movies. It's like there's a checklist: nothing made sense; the CGI was retarded and unnecessary; there was a villain whose evil plot was mostly silly; the supervillain's henchpersons sucked at their jobs, except for the supermodel with the "Death by Rabbit" tattoo on her inner thigh. However, Transporter 2 was better than Pierce Brosnan's Bond flicks for two reasons: fewer cheesy one-liners, and no Madonna.