So it goes ...

Dove soap commercials advise us to "Always be radiant," and oh, I am. I'm also drunk. So if there's anything you wanna know, now's the time to ask.

I'm right here.

Fire away.

Anything you wanna know.

Defintion of "picayune" ...

Story of the Spanish Civil War ....

The name of the girl robot in "Small Wonder" ...

The name of the school the guys attended in "Young Ones" ...

The names of my nipples ...

Right here ... fire away ... no question too small, no gratuity too large, no bridge too far ...


Yeah, I'm just stalling because I don't know what movie I want to watch. I'm leaning towards an entry in the Hanzo the Razor series, but I may be too drunk to properly interpret subtitles.

Have I told you, Internet Audience, that I am in desperate need of wall covering for my livingroom? Perhaps I have. Last week I looked at contemporary paintings on Ebay, but was unable to find anything suitably pleasing (something Ab-Ex, or maybe barbarian women in chain-mail bikinis) for a palatable price. This afternoon it came to me: Dude ... (as I call myself in my head) ... Dude, you should just paint your own.

So I think I will. Tomorrow I'll just head down to Michael's, international purveyors of arts and crafts, and buy a stretched canvas and some paint and some paintbrushes, take them home, read on the internet how to "paint", and walla!: Art! I downloaded Cremaster 3 this morning, so a few hours spent studying that should teach me everything I need to know about making art. From the last time I saw it, I seem to remember something about wearing a blue kilt, dyeing my skin pink, and having a relationship with an enigmatic amputee. There was also something about old Cadillacs and proper dental care, but I'm already on top of those.

Of course, if the old math lemma is true, and "Stretched canvas > $20", then perhaps a return visit to Ebay is in order.

She's a cold mistress, Ebay is, but oh the pleasures she'll give ya if you ask her nice.