Whatever's clever is totally whatever

Mom and I went to the Dia:Beacon museum today Or maybe it's a gallery. Hard to say. It's a converted box factory, and it's bigger than what my conception of a "gallery" is, but it's smaller than a "museum". Let's go with "gallery".

Either way, it was great. I'll go out on a limb and admit that I know next to nothing about contemporary art, but I could only imagine that the Dia:Beacon's permanent collection is a pretty good sampling. Just about everything there was really interesting. There was an exhibition of early Warhol work: small, but nicely done. The fact that Sylvester Stallone was the subject of a Warhol portrait is just wrong on so many levels. (Perhaps someday I'll tell the "lick the balls" story. Sadly, like the best celebrity blowjob stories, it's apocryphal.)

I really wish I could have taken Matt Killen, or photos. Walking around inside the Richard Serra ellipses under natural light while the MetroNorth train rumbled by ... that was a unique moment that cried for photographic memorialization!

The place was staffed with black-clad artgirls. They were so adorably sullen! I don't know if they're imports from NYC or if the gallery dug them up in whatever coffeebars are found in the surrounding town; artgirls are kind of universally similar.

"Dave, you dilletante fuck, that's all very well and good; now tell us about the fucking gourmet hot dogs!"

OK ... the gourmet hot dogs were delicious but the promise of "gourmet" ketchup was a promise broken, unless Heinz packets have some cachet of which I'm not aware. I opted against samplng the pineapple relish, and instead went with the pickles, tomatoes, sylvetta arugula, and a packet of mustard. I could easily have eaten more than one hot dog, but "Gourmet hot dog" + museum food = $4 per wiener. Ah, but 'twas the most delicious of wieners, curved at the end and too large for the buns!

Yeah, I think I'm done with frankfurters now ... unless it's a pretty girl from Frankfurt, in which case I'll make an exception.

[upon further research] A Google Image Search for "pretty frankfurter" yielded disappointing results, so let's go back to the original declaration: I'm done with frankfurters now!