We'd adopt, but probably not right away

If I were gay and he were gay, I'd totally marry my roofer. He's so nice and reassuring (and manly and strong!) and when something goes wrong he takes ACTION and says "fuck" when the dumpster-guy or the lumber-guy does something dumb. He's like Vin Diesel with less bass in his voice.

So after I get the mail this morning I'm going to the Hooters in Albany to reaffirm my heterosexuality.