It still makes more sense than You Got Served

OK, I'll admit it: I have no idea what the hell's going on in the last part of 2001: A Space Odyssey. (It's on Turner Classic Movies right now, and it's right at the beginning of the end.)

Oh, sure, I know that Dave goes into the monolith, and out of the monolith comes a giant space baby, presumably indicating the next step in human evolution. But the in-between part: what's up with that? There are colors, and then there's a fly-over over a desert, and then Dave's an old man eating dinner, and then he's an even older man, and then it's not Dave in the bed, it's the giant space baby.

I don't know. It's late and I'm very tired and I've got unresolved father issues with the movie. I was a young boy, 9 or 10 years old, when my dad suggested we stay up late together and watch 2001. It was on at 10 pm on a Saturday, on channel 5 in NY.

I'm pretty sure it was channel 5. Maybe it was channel 9. Back then channels 5, 9, and 11 were still indie channels, trying to slap together a schedule with syndicated network shows and old movies. So yeah, it could have been any of the three, but I'm going with 5.

Anyway, I'm watching with my dad, and I'm 9 or 10, and I'm hating it. The pre-humans look really fake and I have to comment on it like the brat I am. Then Heywood Floyd is getting on the ship to take him to the moon and he has to go through processing. He presses the button for English speakers, and my dad says, "And you know what happens if you choose 'Russian' -- ZAP!" Yeah whatever, dad. I think my dad may have had his sense of humor damaged in a boyhood accident.

The movie progresses, yadda yadda, HAL goes nuts, Dave takes out HAL's 9-volt batteries, and Floyd's secret message comes up. And then BAM! Channel 5 goes into whatever's next in the evening's programming. "Evening" isn't even accurate; it's past midnight, so obviously channel 5 couldn't give a rat's ass -- just go on to whatever's queued up, right?

I'm confused: Dave disconnects HAL, the old guy tells them there's a secret mission, and the movie ends? Dad explains that they cut off the end, and that's that, it's time for bed. He doesn;t even say what happens in the end. I was pretty pissed -- not at my dad for once, but at the movie for being so pointless, and at channel 5 for taking off the end of the movie because the end could have provided some resolution or clarity or something, anything. Goddamn!

Fast forward 7 or 8 years. I finally see 2001 a few times in its entirety (fast forwarding through the overture and intermezzo, or course) and I really like the movie. Seeing the end didn't give me the fulfillment I'd been seeking, but once I'd accepted that, I learned to love the movie for its style, attention to detail, half-baked questions of what constitutes "humanity", and wicked cool computers that talk to you.

So then a few years later it comes to pass that my dad and I are watching tv or something, and 2001 comes on. I remember from years ago that my dad liked the movie, so I figure, "Hey, we can bond over this, sort of."

First scene: Dad's complaining that the pre-humans look fake. And then he's complaining that the movie's boring, so he leaves to do something else. What the hell? That pissed me off.

I'm not sure what that tangent has to do with figuring out the end of the movie. Like I said, I've got issues with 2001 and I guess they're hard to compartmentalize.

I've got similar issues with Logan's Run (it just started on Turner Classic Movies after 2001 ended), but it's because Jenny Agutter doesn't spend enough time in that revealing green poncho she wears in her first scene. Goddamn.